Toby Goodshank Original Art 2025

Tag: fiction

  • The Drop Off

    The Drop Off

    And just like that, after 17 years, my daughter is off and away at college. It seems strange how “just like that” can account for 17 years.

    Seventeen years of raising one of the two most important people in my life on this little blue planet. You try desperately to figure out how the hell all this time went by. So much is lost and forgotten. Pangs of midlife memory failure cause anxiety. Then you go back and look at pictures and remember, or as they now say, recreate the past.

    The little girl who sang with me in her car seat as we drove back and forth from my parents’ house. All the small transitions and big moments that the kids forget but were made for you. All these amazing little gifts that come with raising your own kids.

    The days were often long, filled with a frantic rush to get through them and finally relax watching TV. I’m not saying I want them back, but I could use them once in a while on a slow weekend. I could use a good dose of Sesame Street and a bowl of cereal. Some Elmo and Abby Cadabby floating around the screen.

    It all seems surreal, and I feel so many things all the time, swirling around my head.

    There are different feelings you have as a dad versus a mom. My job is to pack the car tightly, making sure all the necessary, and completely unnecessary, things make it to the dorm room. We had to take two cars, and for me that is never a problem.

    James, my son and little best friend, rides with me. Olivia, Mom, and Aunt Mandy are in car two.

    I stay busy with dad’s work, the Tetris car packing and lifting the heavier objects into the car. What a difference from when I was a kid. There are no TVs, no heavy-ass CRT monitors, stereo systems, or heavy tower computers.

    Just lots of extra clothes and outfits that may work one day if the moon is just right.

    Also, cleaning supplies?

    I never brought or had one cleaning supply of any kind in my dorm room. It made me laugh to think about how different girls and boys can be.

    My wife deserves all her flowers because she has been planning, buying, and figuring out everything Olivia would need for months. She has quietly, and sometimes not so quietly, felt the weight of this transition more than anyone. Through all of it, she has been absolutely amazing and continues to be the best wife and mother anyone could hope for.

    People would ask me if I was going to miss her, if I was sad, or how I felt about the transition.

    I do miss her dearly.

    She was always in her room doing her own thing, but there was proximity, and that was enough. I could periodically go to her door and knock, of course, check in, and see what she was doing. She would be pretending to read or do work while quickly hiding her phone as she texted her friends.

    She is still so very much my little girl, who has been sheltered at home and away from so many of life’s storms. There is this constant tension between keeping them safe and allowing them to grow up without a care, and then one day dropping them off in a strange new world.

    The day went smoothly. We got her all set up and ready to conquer the next chapter of her life, and then just like that, you are off and back home.

    The transition has been difficult, and she misses us dearly. It is such a large adjustment, with so many changes all at once. Today my wife is going back up to the school. It’s hard to be surrounded by so many people and still feel all alone. I remember different times when I first went away to school and felt that way, especially when the friends I had made went back home on the weekends to work.

    A new room with a roommate, new people, new routines, new expectations. The fear of the unknown. No familiar bedroom down the hall. No kitchen to wander into. No little check-ins throughout the day. All the things that seemed so ordinary suddenly become the things you miss the most.

    It is good that we are all so close and that we communicate. I know she will navigate this transition with the same grace she has shown in everything else in her life. It may take some time, and that is okay. There is no rule that says you have to feel at home the moment you arrive somewhere new.

    So more than missing her, I am optimistically happy, grateful, and excited for her. For all the new things she will experience, the people she has not met yet, the friendships that will become lifelong, the mistakes she will make and learn from, and the confidence that will come from figuring things out without us standing right beside her.

    I know she will come home different. Not unrecognizable and not less ours, just a little more herself. Maybe that is the hardest and best part of raising kids. You spend all those years building a home around them, keeping them safe, feeding them, driving them everywhere, worrying about them, laughing with them, getting annoyed with them, and loving them more than you knew was possible.

    And then one day, if you did your job right, they leave. You pack the car, carry the boxes, make the bed, give the hugs, and walk back to the car.

    Somehow 17 years fits inside that one drive home.

    I miss her, but more than that, I am proud of her. I cannot wait to see who comes walking back through our door.

  • The Final Recital

    The Final Recital

    Spotlight Dance Conservatory sounds almost like an academic endeavor of celestial bodies moving in the heavens. Before it was Spotlight, it was Dance Etc., and to me, it will always be Dance Etc.

    For 14 years, Olivia has been moving through that little universe of music, lights, costumes, practice, nerves, friendships, disappointments, applause, and growth. I watched one of her classmates receive a 15-year pin, something Olivia did not quite reach. But what she did accomplish may be even more important. She accomplished steadiness, grit, and the quiet and difficult act of not giving up.

    I am so proud of her, especially after this last year. I am proud because when I was her age, I quit too easily. If I didn’t feel like doing something, I walked away, and later in life I had to pay for those decisions. So my heart relaxes a little knowing that she may not have to learn that lesson the same way I did.

    For all these years, I have watched the showcases and recitals. I have watched the costumes, the lights, the music, and the little girl who kept growing up on stage right in front of us.

    My wife deserves as much credit for this accomplishment as my daughter. She poured her heart and soul into these years. The driving, the dresses, the costumes, the arguments, the late nights, the overnight stays, the emotions, all of it. She carried so much of it with Olivia, and I know Olivia will remember.

    Maybe not all of it right away. Maybe not all at once. But in the different seasons of her life, that love will keep revealing itself. Hopefully one day, if Olivia has a daughter of her own, she will understand even more deeply what her mother gave her.

    These things we do for our children often feel like hardship in the moment, but they are really the essence of a life well lived. The friction, the sacrifice, the repetition, the showing up again and again. That is where love becomes real. That is where the lasting bond between a mother and daughter is formed.

    I am also grateful for our family, who has always shown up to support her. My family-in-law, who bring their hearts and show up because that is simply who they are.

    And then there are the people I still look for in the crowd.

    I have to look away sometimes when I watch Olivia dance because I get overwhelmed thinking about my mother. I think about how much she would have wanted to be there for all of this, especially the final recital. I think about how proud she would have been. As I hold back tears, I remind myself that she is there in some way, watching with my father from above, just as proud as two grandparents could possibly be.

    There were hard parts too. I know there were times Olivia felt excluded, and I know how deeply that can hurt, especially when you are young and simply want to belong. I do not know every side of every story, but I know what it felt like watching my daughter carry that pain and keep showing up anyway.

    There is a quiet strength in that. Not the kind that never hurts, but the kind that keeps going even when it does. Olivia has learned, in her own way, that not everyone will see you, include you, or understand you. But that does not mean you are unloved. Sometimes the love that matters most is not found in the approval we were chasing, but in the people who were there all along.

    Then I watched the end of the recital. I watched the younger dancers run up to Olivia on stage, crying, grabbing onto her, sad that she was leaving. I had never heard about that part. I had never really seen that part. And there it was, this unexpected gift of love and affection being poured out on her.

    I also watched the previous owner of the studio make a loving appearance with beautiful poster boards of all the girls, filled with years of recital memories, costumes, and empowering quotes. It was such a thoughtful tribute to who they were, who they had been, and who they were becoming.

    What an incredible thing to witness.

    Maybe that is the lesson. The people who love us, and the people we love, are where our attention should go. Not toward the people who overlooked us. Not toward the ones who made us feel small. Not toward the endless desire to be admired by everyone.

    As I sat there, full of admiration for everything she had done, I felt the weight of all those years that had passed so quickly. I panicked a little because I cannot hold on to any of it. Not the toddler. Not the little girl. Not the young dancer. Not the version of her who still seemed like she would be with us forever.

    She is leaving in the fall. The little dancing girl has grown up. She is ready to take on the world. Maybe that is what all of this was really preparing us for. Not just the final bow. Not just the last recital. Not just the end of 14 years at Dance Etc. and Spotlight Dance Conservatory, but the moment when we have to let her step forward into her own life with courage, tenderness, discipline, and strength.

    The stage lights will go down. The music will stop. The costumes will be put away. But something greater remains. Fourteen years ago, a little girl walked into a dance studio. Now a young woman walks out.

    And all I can say is thank you.

  • Review: Duff Beer Garden, Universal Studios Florida

    Review: Duff Beer Garden, Universal Studios Florida

    Tucked along the side of the road as you meander through the Simpsons area of Universal Studios Florida, Duff Beer Garden feels like a little oasis in the middle of the park. It is not fancy, and it is not trying to be. It is a simple place to stop, cool down, have a drink, and take in the strange joy of being inside a real life version of Springfield.

    Growing up with The Simpsons, I watched Homer drink Duff Beer for years. Somewhere deep inside, probably at the subconscious level, it made me want to drink Duff Beer too. Then, finally, I got my chance.

    They have Duff Regular and Duff Light, and in the fall they usually have Duff Oktoberfest. I normally get the Light, and it is a nice draft beer. Without all the fanfare and Simpsons nostalgia, you probably would not think twice about it, but that is also part of the fun. You are standing in Springfield, drinking a Duff Beer, watching old Simpsons clips, and for a few minutes it just works.

    But what makes this place special for us is not really the beer. It is the bartender we met a few trips back, named Demar.

    I love watching a well run business, and before we even spoke to him, I noticed how well Demar worked. He was the superlative of a bartender. The bar usually has about three bartenders, and it gets busy quickly with people coming over for a cold beer. They also sell pretzels and corn dogs, although I do not think I have actually seen anyone eat one.

    What stood out to me was Demar’s speed, consistency, and command of the bar. He knew every combination of every order and exactly what it cost, including the tax. At one point, the other two bartenders went on break, and he had the whole bar to himself. That would be daunting for anyone, especially outside in the hot Florida weather, but he just kept moving. He had a knee brace on at the time and still kept cranking along, explaining the differences between the beers, ringing people up, calling out exact totals, and doing it all with almost robotic, lightning fast efficiency.

    But the impressive part was that he was not just fast. He was kind, friendly, and completely present with people. That is not easy to do when there is a line, the sun is beating down, and everyone wants something at the same time. He made it look easy.

    After a few trips, he remembered us, and that changed the whole feel of the place. It stopped feeling like we were just walking up to a theme park bar and started feeling like we were visiting someone we were genuinely happy to see. As my family sat around and hung out, we began to talk with him, and over time we developed a friendship.

    We had a lot of similar interests, and there was something almost reminiscent of Tom Cruise in Cocktail about him. He had ideas, investments, big dreams, and plans for where he wanted to go in life. That is one of the things I really respect about him. He was not just standing behind the bar pouring drinks. He was working hard, thinking ahead, and building toward something bigger.

    Now, part of the retirement plan at Universal is getting a fully loaded jacketed baked potato and making our way over to Duff Beer Garden for an excellent mixed drink or the occasional Duff Light. We sit there, let the gentle breeze carry the day away, rewatch old Simpsons cartoons, and hang out with our friend.

    That is what makes places like this special. It is not always the menu, the theming, or even the drink in your hand. Sometimes it is the people you meet along the way who become part of the tradition. Duff Beer Garden could have just been a quick stop for a cold beer in Springfield. Because of Demar, it became one of our favorite places to return to.

    Review Score: 9.5 out of 10
    Rating: Duff Worthy

  • The Greatest Thing He Ever Built

    The Greatest Thing He Ever Built

    We all knew that when Aunt Lucy passed, it would not be long before Uncle Sal joined her. It is deeply saddening to understand that and to watch it unfold, especially for the children who so desperately want more time with their parents. But it is not about us, nor is it within our power, to stop a choice like that, even when we do everything we can to hold it back. Reflecting now on my own parents, I know it was in God’s hands, and I trust in that always. More than that, I am thankful for this beautifully poetic example of marriage, the union of two souls so completely entwined that one could not remain here for long without the other.

    I am deeply grateful for Uncle Sal. We had a special relationship. I say sincerely that he was the grandfather I never had but always wanted. Some family members may have thought I was simply being gracious by spending so much time talking with him, but our relationship was never about sympathy. We were kindred spirits. We were both curious, both drawn to what other people thought, and so we asked each other questions endlessly. Big questions, small questions, and everything in between. Government, work, finances, marriage, children, purpose. We were both smart enough to understand how much we did not know, and excited by the chance to hear the other speak. There was no ego in it, only humility and a real desire to listen, to think, to be surprised, and to stand amazed at life.

    Uncle Sal understood his purpose with a kind of quiet clarity. He had found something so many people miss while trying to play the game of life by other people’s rules. He learned long ago that life is malleable, and so he made his own rules. Then, like a piece of wood in his hands, he shaped them and refined them until they became simple and true. He found a way to win each day, and because of that he was able to be present in the moment and enjoy his life. All the little things we are meant to cherish and appreciate, he did.

    I think we both loved not knowing almost as much as knowing. There was joy in discovery, in mystery, in hearing a new thought and turning it over together. He was a Renaissance man in the truest sense, interested in everything around him. He wanted to learn, to experience, and to play in the world. He always described himself as simple and uneducated in his self deprecating way, but his curiosity made him so much more. He was an artist, a musician, a tinkerer, and a space explorer. He spoke Italian and English, played chess, loved nature, and was an avid walker. There was far more depth in him than he ever gave himself credit for.

    He was a carpenter by trade, but even more by passion. He loved wood, loved working with his hands, and loved making something lasting and beautiful out of what the world had given him. He was always building, always creating, always shaping something for someone else. An Uncle Sal work of art. A fully articulating standing clock. Wood inlay paintings. The family elves he made for us, each one with a Christmas name from a different language. The time he got lost and scared his family because he had pulled off to the side of the road for hours to paint a beautiful vista that had caught his eye. His hands were never still for long because his heart was curious and always ready to play.

    And for all the things he made with his hands, the greatest thing he ever built was a life rooted in love. He taught me, and reminded me, that the simplest things in life are the greatest things. And none was greater to him than his love for his wife and family. He looked upon Lucy as an angel. Always. I never heard him complain. I never heard him ask for more. I never heard him wish for some different road. He loved as we are all meant to love, selflessly, freely, without keeping score, and without asking for anything in return. His advice on a successful marriage that lasts was simple. He would say, “I work hard and hand over my paycheck to Lucy, no questions asked.” His was an endless well, overflowing with devotion, tenderness, and grace.

    I think often of John 14 and Jesus’ promise to prepare a room for us in His Father’s house. I can picture Sal arriving there and being shown to his room, plain and simple at first, sparse and untouched. But he would know immediately that there are no limits now. No constraints. No weakness in the body. No shortage of time. And so he would begin. He would reshape that room into something only he could imagine, some great woodworking cathedral filled with the richest woods, carved and polished into magnificence. The walls and ceilings would soon be covered in inlaid scenes of nature, heaven, and earth. Beauty rising everywhere under his hands. He would run out of room quickly and begin working into the hallway. By the time the rest of us arrive, I would not be surprised if Jesus Himself had to move into another house just to make space for all that Sal had created.

    So now, as he leaves this world, I do not think of loss alone. I think of gratitude. I think of laughter, questions, wood shavings on the floor, and the quiet strength of a man who understood what mattered. He lived simply, loved deeply, and left beauty wherever he went. And though we will miss him here in ways words cannot hold, I trust that heaven has already placed tools in his hands and love all around him. More than this, my heart rejoices that he will be reunited with his love and finally know peace.

  • All State

    All State

    Last night we went to the All State Dance Banquet at the Aqua Turf Club in Southington, Connecticut.

    My daughter was honored there. She was a recipient, a winner, a true star. Newtown had an incredible showing, with eight students recognized in All State Dance and seven in All State Academic. Most other towns seemed to have two or three, and far fewer on the academic side. I have always said we must have good water in Newtown. It grows the kids tall and apparently makes them pretty smart too.

    It was a very special night, and I was so happy to be there celebrating my daughter’s accomplishments. Over the years, my wife and I have often divided and conquered when it came to the kids’ activities. That usually meant my wife and daughter were the ones going on the dance excursions, trips, banquets, and showcases. Because of that, it felt especially important for me to be there. Really, there was never any question that I would be.

    They put on a beautiful event for the young women, and for one young man named Jack, who all the girls from Newtown seemed to know and love.

    My daughter’s journey through these years has truly happened in the blink of an eye. It feels like I just looked up and suddenly she is grown, getting ready to leave for college this fall. Where did all the time go?

    In some ways, time moved slower in the beginning. When she was little, and my wife was commuting to Norwalk, I was the one getting her ready in the morning and bringing her to my mother’s day care, then picking her up later. Those felt like slower days. Sesame Street would be on in the background, and Abby Cadabby would keep watch over her while I got ready for work.

    There are so many things that change as they grow, and then one day they are grown. I saw something recently about how many moments in life happen for the last time without us even realizing it. You only recognize them later, when you stop and think. I found myself thinking about something as simple as holding her hand. How long has it been since we last held hands? The last time she reached for my hand while crossing a road probably felt like yesterday then, but in truth it was many years ago. So many years ago, just like the car seat rides and booster seat rides home, singing songs together in the car.

    There is something natural about the rush to prepare your children for the world, to help them become capable, confident, and independent. That is part of a father’s job. And yet there is also something heartbreaking about doing it well, because the very success of it means they cannot stay young forever. You cannot keep them small. You cannot keep them reaching for your hand. I still think about those quiet moments watching her shows beside me in bed, holding her favorite sippy cup. I have always been sentimental about the past, about the ache and beauty of nostalgia.

    But I am just as grateful now for this new season of her life. For all the firsts still ahead of her. For all the adventures, lessons, friendships, and memories she has yet to make. Last night was not just a celebration of what she has accomplished. It was also a quiet reminder to me that life keeps moving, whether we are ready or not.

    And maybe that is the bittersweet beauty of being a parent. You spend years helping them grow, praying they become strong, capable, and ready for the world. Then one day you look up and realize they are. The little girl who once held your hand is now stepping forward into her own life. It is hard to let go of the old days, but what a gift it is to have lived them. And what a privilege it is to still be here, watching her shine.

  • Diner Review: Goshen Plaza Diner – Goshen, NY

    Diner Review: Goshen Plaza Diner – Goshen, NY

    Our second outing to the Goshen Diner, which is actually the Goshen Plaza Diner even though it’s not in a plaza. Maybe that was the hopeful dream of its first proprietor—an empire of storefronts that never came to fruition. Our first trip here followed a demoralizing Frozen Ropes Baseball Tournament, where dismayed parents plotted a revolt against the head coach.

    This time it was just the three of us, reflecting on today’s game in the same tournament, which was going much better. By chance, we ended up at the same table. The booth on the left fit the table exactly, while the booth on the right stretched awkwardly far, as if built for a missing fourth diner. I sat there the first time, hunched sideways over my plate. That odd design, along with the faux wooden panel above us decorated with an American flag and perched eagle, gave the place its peculiar charm.

    The menu was classic diner fare with extras, the kind of list that makes you think of Pee-wee telling Dotty, “It’s a thing you wouldn’t understand… a thing you couldn’t understand.” Prices ran two or three dollars cheaper than other diners we’ve visited lately, which likely explained why the place was hopping on a Saturday night. We were surrounded by a rush of senior citizens, a kind of corralling of prescription-powered, hungry elderly looking to stretch their social security checks.

    Our waiter, a young man with a sunny attitude, seemed half-present and half already imagining a future where he’d escaped diner monotony. Still, he was attentive enough.

    I briefly stressed over some of the more unusual menu items but settled on my old reliable: the Farmer’s Omelet—yellow American cheese, veggies, bacon, sausage chunks, rye toast, coleslaw, home fries, and a decaf coffee.

    The service dragged with the crowd, and hunger set us on edge. Then, like a leprechaun popping out of a rainbow’s backside, our server appeared with the food. A few sides were missing, but my omelet and potatoes were excellent—flavorful enough to be memorable despite how often I order them.

    Across the table, my wife faced a crisis. No white toast. She always starts with toast dipped in over-easy eggs, and its absence forced her onto the pancakes instead. The anger monkeys were on her back, throwing things, and we were about to get hit. The fuse was short before all hell broke loose. I buried myself in my plate, silently praying the bread would appear. Fortunately, it arrived in time, and peace was restored.

    In the end, the experience was pleasant. We ate, we talked baseball, and we absorbed the diner’s rhythms. At six o’clock the place was packed; by seven it had emptied to only a few tables. The turnover was so fast it was almost invisible—efficient, seamless, like the diner itself. As we left, we noticed they were voted Best Diner in 2023 and 2024, and if they keep the coffee hot and the toast coming, I don’t see anyone stealing that crown.

    Final Verdict 7.55/10

  • Diner Review: The Blue Colony Diner – Newtown, CT

    Diner Review: The Blue Colony Diner – Newtown, CT

    Easy on, easy off.

    The Greek families who settled in Newtown, Connecticut weren’t content with just arriving in a new country. They wanted their own colony. A Blue Colony, to pay homage to their Grecian shores. When they were welcomed to the New World, they didn’t simply accept it. Maybe they got mad. Maybe they didn’t understand the language. Maybe they were just being stubborn. Either way, they said, “No problem. We make our own colony.” And so, the Blue Colony was born.

    Their relatives, settling in neighboring towns, followed suit by creating their own color-based colonies. The Red Colony still stands today, born out of friendly rivalry or maybe not-so-friendly fights between the families.

    They even created a crest for the Blue Colony: two majestic lions flanking a shield, proudly displaying the letters B and C. The message was clear. Don’t mess with our colony, Malaka!

    The diner has served us faithfully through the years. As kids, it was our Sunday morning ritual after church. I remember ordering from the kids’ menu; the Rocky Balboa Roast Beef with mashed potatoes, while my brother went with the Lion, a classic roast turkey dinner.

    In high school, the Blue Colony became our late-night landing zone. A place where inebriated or high teenagers scraped together loose change and dollar bills to split coffees and cheesy gravy fries. We would sit there trying to get our heads right before heading home, watching the cast of local characters filter in. Sometimes there would be a fight. Sometimes someone tried to run out on their bill. I earned my own badge of honor the night I got banned after rolling in with a rowdy crew who got into trouble. I didn’t even do anything, but I wore the ban like a badge.

    Fast forward to today, and this place still stands tall. A Newtown landmark since 1973, it is everything you would expect from a classic East Coast diner, full of charm and character.

    At the entrance, a massive display of oversized cookies, pastries, and desserts greets you. The diner is split into a right and left section. I always seem to end up on the left, the side we knew growing up. The right side is either newer or always felt darker. I can’t help but feel like Larry David, wondering if we are being deliberately pushed left. Is this the “ugly” section for undesirables?

    Our party of five was seated in one of the rounded corner booths on the left. Our server was a tall Greek man named Alex who did a great job. Diner staff can always be hit or miss. I feel most places have seasoned servers who carry a heavy life burden or maybe just the wear of so many years holding large plates. Most people are mirrored reflections of your own mood, so I always try to bring a fun, light energy.

    In diners, there are safe bets and there are total gambles. My friend once ordered spaghetti and meatballs at 1:30 in the morning—a clear gamble. He was ruthlessly mocked for it. I stuck with a classic: the Farmer’s Omelet, home fries, rye toast with butter, and a side of coleslaw. Everyone else had breakfast for dinner, except my sister-in-law and son, who went with the can’t-go-wrong turkey triple-decker with fries.

    I like my omelets slightly runny and my home fries with some char, but I never ask for it that way. I have been on a lucky streak lately and enjoy the surprise of seeing what shows up. The most impressive part? The speed. It felt like the cook in the back was racing a stopwatch to see how fast they could crank out five meals. The food arrived quickly and tasted exactly as it should; hearty, satisfying, and consistent with what has kept this place thriving for over 50 years.

    The coleslaw was reliably good, as it always is at a proper diner, each with its own variation. I had a spoonful of the seafood bisque, which came out like molten lava; flavorful, with mysterious but tasty chunks of seafood. I also appreciate that they serve a BIG cup of coffee, one that lasts the whole meal without needing a refill. And to finish, I snagged a few sips of my son’s black and white milkshake, ordered to calm his nerves after a tough baseball game. Everyone was happy and content with their food.

    Now, in midlife, I am glad they forgot about my ban from all those years ago. I can walk in with my head held high, check out the specials, sit among the early-bird diners, and get excited just like my mother used to about the sheer quantity of food at a great value. She always used to say, “I’m going to wrap this up and eat it for lunch tomorrow.”

    Thank you, Blue Colony, for settling these lands so many years ago and doing it your way.

    Final Verdict: 7.25/10

    W/Nostalgia Kicker 8/10

    Still one of the best around. Still doing it right.